Maybe I won’t make fun of Iron Man’s codpiece anymore

The Codpiece

I have some fun around here as I try to rank for the phrase “iron man codpiece.” It’s just silly enough that I want my site to pop up when they type in such a term. I’ve written two blogs addressing the subject, because why not?

I mean, who wouldn’t want this as part of their legacy?

Why focus on the codpiece for this article when there are many other pieces I could be focusing on? Two reasons. First, the shape of it is very unique to this armor. It’s very pronounced and bowl-shaped, creating a strange ring around the armor that kind of looks like a seagull in flight. (Not that it’s the only strange thing about the armor, with the thumb-hole gauntlets and the oversized boots.)

Second, it seems to be the part of the armor that is the most impractical. As I mentioned in one of my codpiece blogs (a phrase I never thought I’d use back when I was getting my English degree), it seems impractical; Tony would impale himself if he bent over to pick something up. Or as I call it, the “Punisher School of Puncturing My Small Intestines If I Want To Pick Up A Quarter.”

“No, I have no interest in trying your Squatty Potty.”

The Realization (about the codpiece)

I’ve recently (as in, just this morning) had second thoughts about my criticisms of this particular Iron Man codpiece. After all, this is the Iron Man armor made of tiles, so there’s nothing preventing the tiles from falling over each other to allow for greater movement. Perhaps the fact that it looks solid (i.e., the artist didn’t draw all the tiles in) has fooled even me.

Those tiles could easily move like every other tile on the suit. Each tile is just sitting in a 3-D lattice and waiting to be pushed up — much like cartridges in an automatic pistol’s clip — and there’s really no reason why the lattice can’t reconfigure as well. The gray undersuit of the Ablative Armor certainly wouldn’t prevent this.

Like this, except less stolen from some random site on the internet.

It still doesn’t explain why the Ablative Iron Man’s codpiece looks like that, though. ‘Cause it kinda looks like space underwear. And that’s something that’s usually reserved for spandex-clad people like Superman.

Thankfully someone’s already addressed that…