Merry Christmas! Ablate That Wrapping Paper!
Does a person really ablate wrapping paper? Well, it’s there for protection (from prying eyes) and it’s designed to be removed and discarded. So, yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but not really. I’m pretty sure they use wrapping paper on returning spacecraft.
Welcome to the Christmas blog! If you haven’t figured it out by now, pretty much every blog is about me having fun, and that’s what I’ll be doing today. How does the Mark 23 Ablative Armor – named Axol, because I’m awesome at coming up with names – fit into this wonderful holiday celebrating the birth of Christ? Very loosely, thanks for asking.
Christmas Trees
Christmas trees can be contentious, believe it or not. Is it okay to chop down a living tree for only three weeks of living room enjoyment? Was its inclusion in Christmas just a way to draw Pagans into Christianity by letting them keep some of their pre-existing customs? It doesn’t matter, because I’d rather make a joke.
Are you paying attention, Hallmark? There are upwards of one person wanting these ornaments.
Relaxing By the Fire
So many Christmas songs talk about gathering around a warm fire with loved ones, taking mittens off and drying them by the fire, hanging Christmas stockings. Hmm, what else gets really hot…?
“Wilt thou make snug with me by the polymer kiln this yuletide?”
Hold on, hold on, I’ve got another one.
“Why the codpiece? Well, it protects my chestnuts from roasting on the open fire.”
Candy Canes
Just look at the candy cane. Look at how the stripes just flow together, how they blend into one. On a candy cane, red and white stripes come together perfectly. On Axol, red and gold tiles all fit together in harmony. Both candy canes and tiles are heated to create them. Such glorious creations!
Even if you’ve had too much spiked egg nog, only lick the one on the left.
Santa Claus
Whether you think of him as a jolly old elf or as a means of selling Coca-Cola, it’s hard to avoid images of Santa Claus this time of year. Here’s one you’ll never forget.
“If you’ve been good this year, you get tiles. If you’ve been bad, you get tiles. Basically, kid, what I’m saying is, expect tiles.”
Jesus
Yay Jesus! While his followers can’t seem to stop messing things up over the centuries, it’s hard not to like Jesus. He’s awesome.
What do he and Iron Man’s Ablative Armor have in common? Well, Jesus came from heaven, and the Ablative explores the heavens and the particle storms that God made on the first day. (The Bible doesn’t specifically reference particle storms, but that had to be a Day 1 thing, right?) Jesus is also called “the sacrificial lamb,” and the Ablative tiles sacrifice themselves for the good of the whole. Jesus turned water into wine, and the Ablative turns goop into tiles.
“Listen, in a couple thousand years some people are going to claim a ‘war on tonight,’ but don’t listen. It’s just for their own political gain and to increase their ratings. Now, let me explain what ratings are…”
Merry Christmas!
I do hope you have a great Christmas and holiday season. Stop back by in a few days when I talk about something infinitely stupid!
